I am L
by Snupin
Summary: I am L. I am 25 years old and I am going to die.


Hello children! I know, I know...I should be doing my NaNoWriMo and I shouldn't be writing fanfiction! And even if I am I should be updating Unintentional Love. But I read a really interesting fic by keikopanda102 called Last Thoughts. It is really awesome so read it! This story is quite like hers, as it was inspired by hers, but I believe it is different enough for me to take credit. If anyone reads hers and disagrees with me then I will change this and say I accept no credit.

WARNING: Spoilers!!! And extreme angst. I tried to keep L in character but if I didn't succeed i'm sorry!!

It's only short but I hope you like it.

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I am L.

I am 25 years old and I am going to die.

How do I know this? Well, for the past year or so I have been in close contact with Raito Yagami, my number one Kira suspect. I know him and I know he is Kira. That is how I know he will kill me.

Raito-kun is my first ever friend. I feel a gasping, cloying pain at the thought of him being Kira. But that is how it is. You can never change the facts, no matter how hard you try. Every passing day I sit next to Raito-kun, I eat with him, I talk with him as any friend would do and all the while I am conscious of my time slowly ticking away. And what do I do with that time? I record more names, I check more lists and I slowly await my death.

I suppose it's sad; the way my life has panned out.

I lived my childhood in an orphanage. Parentage unknown. The children hated me because I was different and the carers feared me. I am a genius and because they weren't, they didn't know how to deal with it. It affronted their dignity that such an ugly, antisocial boy would be better than them. So they lashed out with fists and glares and hateful whispers. But one day Watari came to me. He took me in his arms and promised me I would be ok. He took me away from that place of torture and neglect.

My life improved. I had everything I needed and wanted. Watari even got me a job. When I was fourteen I began to catch criminals. I started small: forgery and theft. I quickly moved on to rapes and murders when the higher ups realised I was talented. For most of my life I spent my time flicking through endless images of the vile things humans do to one another. I was far too young, that's what Watari said. No one should have to view such horrendous things. But I did. My innocence was sacrificed for the peace of your world. I had to analyse each pile of gore and each splatter of blood with an emotionless mask. I had to ignore the screaming that flooded my skull.

Many people would say that was unfair but not me. That is my lot in life and it would be futile to kick and scream over it. It was much easier just to get on with my job.

Soon, though, I became bored of humanities usual atrocities and when I came upon the Kira case I felt a rash excitement spring from my common apathy. The criminals I had caught had been stupid: left a key clue here, kept a witness alive. But not Kira.

Kira did everything right or wrong should I say. He managed to kill his victims and leave no evidence. Kira was a real challenge for me to overcome. But it seems the challenge was too much.

Every day and every night I strived to catch Kira. I struggled to protect the human race from such a danger and I have failed. Kira is still free and my time is running out. Will I be able to catch him in time? As I look at Raito-kun's friendly and calm face I know I won't. I know that Raito-kun is Kira but I have no proof so the case stays unsolved. If I was less rational I am sure I would be overwhelmed with tears. My life has been wasted. In the end I couldn't even do what I was supposedly the best at.

My entire life I have done nothing but help others. I am a selfish man, but rightly so. I have worked hard all my short life to get the things I enjoy: my sweets and my comfy room. It seems all my life had been empty, I had only been training, it had only been a precursor to my battle with Kira.

And I have failed.

As I feel the sharp stabbing pain in my chest and the tingling up my arm that is what I know. As Raito-kun holds me in his grip under the pretence of friendship I know I have failed.

But Kira will not win. I will not allow it.

Although I am gone others will replace me and avenge me. Kira will be captured, Kira will be punished. Kira will be the one to fall, not I. As I feel my life leaking out of my thin, tired body I go with the dissatisfaction of a job undone but I am safe in the knowledge that M and N will finish the job. I will have to be content with that. My eyes close.

I am L.

And I will win.

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Gack...was that ok? Yes? No? I'd love to hear what you thought.

Now back to my NaNoWriMo...


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